Short jokes & quotes

• It's generaly false that within 2 points goes a straight line. Except, of course, if the 2 points are exactly facing each other.
   
• In numerical analysis, you can have 2+2 = 5, for 2 big enough and 5 small enough.
   
• A mathematician nightmare would be an epsilon going toward infinity when n goes toward zero.
   
• A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   
• A topologist is a man who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut.
   
• To understand recursion, you must first understand recursion.
   
• 97.3% of all statistics are made up.
   
• It was mentioned on CNN that the new prime number discovered recently is four times bigger then the previous record.
   
• The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth. (Niels Bohr)
   
• Before I die, I hope that someone will explain quantum mechanics to me. After I die, I hope that God will explain turbulence to me. (W. Heisenberg)
   
• The goal of science is to build better mousetraps. The goal of nature is to build better mice.
   
• Half of the people in the world are below average.
   
• In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice, however, there is.
   
• Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules. Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.
   
• The speed of time is one second per second.
   
• Life is complex. It has real and imaginary components.
   
• If parallel lines meet at infinity - infinity must be a very noisy place with all those lines crashing together !
   
• Science is Truth; don't be misled by facts.
   
• God made the natural integers numbers. The others, were man-made. (Weierstrass)
   
• Math is like love -- a simple idea but it can get complicated.
   
• Black holes suck...     (version of a computer scientist: Scale Space Sucks ... sss )
   
• Theoretical Physics is a science locally isomorphic to Mathematics.
   
• A probability is a desperate attempt of chaos to become stable.
   
• Black holes are where God is dividing by zero.
   
• At first, God said :

  Rot E = -dB/dt
  Div D = rho
  Div B = 0
  Rot H = j + dD/dt

  and then, there was the light. (J.C. Maxwell)
   

• Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it's not cockroaches.
   
• Absolute zero is *cool*.
   
• What is a quantum particle? The dreams that stuff is made of...
   
• "Here kitty, kitty..." (Schrodinger)
   
• Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love. (Albert Einstein)
   
• A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a couple of hours in the library.
   
• Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same thing as division.
   
• Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
   
• Science has proof without any certainty. Creationists have certainty without any proof.
   
• A theory is something nobody believes, except the person who made it. An experiment is something everybody believes, except the person who made it.
   
• The most incomprehensible thing about the universe is that it is comprehensible. (Albert Einstein)
   
• Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." (Einstein)
   
• Experimental confirmation of a prediction is merely a measurement. An experiment disproving a prediction is a discovery. (Enrico Fermi)

Source: http://www.lems.brown.edu/~leymarie/joke_sci.html